Have YOU ever seen a llama kiss a llama on the llama?

Please don’t curse me when you can’t get this song out of your head, and please don’t throw yourself off the balcony when the bizarre imagery from the video invades your sweet slumber.

Be forewarned: I can’t seem to make the video stop once it starts. Enjoy!

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Text message coincidence?

February 11, 2011

I was cooking dinner this evening, and my phone buzzed–I’d received a text message. No big deal, I thought. I’m sure it’s my gym partner C, squaring away plans for tomorrow’s workout. I got my veggies into the oven, and checked the message. To my surprise, I found this message from an unknown number:

Supp broski!!!!!!!!!!??

It was from a local number. I showed it to Fernando, thinking that someone had sent him a message to my phone by mistake. After all, I didn’t think anyone I knew would call me “broski.” He checked the number and said he didn’t have the person in his contacts, either.

It seemed doubtful that a friend of ours had changed their number, but I couldn’t be sure. So I responded, in a most non-committal manner:

Not much, who’s asking?

In no time, a response:

Haha dis is kayla………. >< ___

Trouble is, I don’t know anyone named Kayla. I was sure this was some teenager texting the wrong number. I double-checked with F that he didn’t know any Kayla, either, and decided to let the poor girl down gently:

Sorry, don’t know a Kayla-think u got the wrong #

Several minutes pass. I just figured that she thought, “Oh, crap!” before checking again and then texting the correct number, and that she was already in deep conversation with the recipient, telephonic misstep long forgotten.

Buzz. I look again.

Isn’t dis sean?!?!

Whoa. Now admittedly, she didn’t spell it right, but that mistake is surprisingly common. I was stumped – who on earth was Kayla? And how did she know me? Good thing Fernando had an idea, because I was more than a little troubled that someone would send me 9pm text messages with such abysmal spelling. Upon Fernando’s ever-wise counsel, I replied:

r u looking for a boy Sean or a girl Sean?

Kayla’s fast reply:

Boy…….lol

Whew! It WAS just a mistake after all! The Shawn-Sean coincidence was still creepy, but what the heck, stranger things have happened, right?

Relieved, I texted her back:

That’s funny, cuz my name is actually “Shawn” – but I’m a thirty-something lady! Think you got the wrong #, dear : )

If you think the most bizarre and head-scratching part of the the story is over, well, you’re wrong. Kayla replied:

Oh, srry. I seen this number On tv, sayin that call Or txt 2 get waka ticketss or somein and then my boy gave me dis number……..

Um…..Wha…..?

Stumbled across this totally random video of hand supermodel Ellen Sirot from a couple of years ago. She’s crazy. Or a serial killer. Or a mastermind of planning serial killings, more likely, since she can’t actually use her hands. Is it just me, or is the entire interview just an extra-supersize serving of creepy?

via Kottke

I swear, if I could make up stuff like this, I’m sure I’d find a way to leverage it into being a gazillionnaire or something. I’d never heard of a “frontal wedgie” (AKA cameltoe) until today.

If you ladies want to avoid the shame of the dreaded “frontal wedgie,” you’re in luck! You can purchase the solution. In fact, you can purchase AT LEAST TWO KINDS of solutions! Behold ye Camelflage, and CamelAmmo…

Camelflage panties are described on their website like this: “These aren’t your ordinary panty, they were specifically designed to smooth out your feminine parts under tight clothing.” BONUS: They include a “Before and After” section on the site, including the most hideously-photoshopped “After” photo ever! The lady portrayed there is SO lady-like, it appears she’s suddenly wearing a skirt. Or something that isn’t pants.

The second product has evidently undergone a name change or makeover recently, as the URL http://www.CamelAmmo.com redirects immediately to a much more insipidly-named website, “Bye Bye Lines.” There, women everywhere are exhorted to put their “best front forward” and to bid “farewell to frontal wedgies.” BONUS: This product is doctor-endorsed!

Here’s the scoop from Dr. Gina Gora, MD, PLLC, ABFM: “Medical research has found that wearing tight pants that ride up in the front can contribute to the frequency of UTIs leading to bladder infections and yeast infections. By using Bye Bye Lines family of products women can reduce these occurrences while feeling confident about their appearance and health.”

I would have just recommended not buying your clothes quite so tight. Also, for my fellow grammar nerds, please note that I’ve quoted Dr. Gora exactly – see image below.

via Sociological Images

Ugh. And, having lived there, I’m 100% sure that this is a true message to the TV station. Most prevalent attitude I observed during the decades I lived there? “I’ve got mine, so screw you.” Comments from YouTube users were pretty funny…

via Yes But No But Yes

WTF of the day#2

June 17, 2010

Holy crap, I was premature in posting the toothpaste video, because I hadn’t seen this yet. It appears that this is actually based on a national report, but I’ve never heard of this ridiculous notion, or heard anyone say they thought this was true. Have you? WTF?!?!

I guess there’s a website.

WTF of the day

June 17, 2010

I feel filthy even posting this–it has so much wrong with it that I don’t even know where to begin. But I do know it just makes me feel alternately sad and pissed. This could be the best toothpaste ever, but I’d never purchase it because of the company’s advertising. Ugh.

If you don’t want hubby to cheat, Pat recommends “making yourself as attractive as possible” and not to “start hassling him.”

Gross. Hard to believe this prehistoric-minded program is still broadcasting. And even scarier to consider that this guy’s net worth is estimated to be between $200 million and a $1 billion dollars.

Vodpod videos no longer available.

via Sociological Images

Seriously?

Be sure to stick it out until the end where you learn about the tiny blender that they thrown in to help you scramble your eggs BEFORE cracking them open
(and no, I’m not kidding).

Click on the photo to see this absurd infomercial (I didn’t want to leave it embedded here because it “autoplays” when you get there – FYI!):

You can order your own EZ Cracker here.

I can’t seem to get the live widget thingie to post correctly, but click the image to go to the site and see for yourself. It’s just horrible.

via PBS

Especially when I think back to my own brief days in a telemarketing office. Based on that experience (calling from the scuzziest office in Harris County on behalf of a fake Texas State Troopers’ Association, woot) I feel absolutely certain that this guy’s posts are not in any way exaggerated or invented. Scary.

via Urlesque

The world is, at times, truly unknowable – definitely a place that falls outside my capacity for understanding. Grab your eye bleach and have a look at this guy. If you think having an ass on the front of your chest makes you feel a little sick, wait until you see JUST HOW MUCH this guy is enjoying said ass on the front of his chest. Then consider this: Someone is recording the video. That’s right, a real person in the same room with this guy and his pec-jumping antics. Ewww.

via Urlesque

First, Chavez joins Twitter, and worse – has nearly 200,000 followers.

Now, Evo is in the news. This isn’t brand new, but I still can’t believe que ese man sea tan ignorante…Evo spoke at an environmental conference in Bolivia last week, supposedly a serious event. Some highlights:

First, chicken causes homosexual deviation among men:
“…el pollo que comemos está cargado de hormonas femeninas. Por eso, cuando los hombres comen esos pollos tienen desviaciones en su ser como hombres…”

Baldness is a European disease, and it doesn’t affect men of indigenous populations because they eat different kinds of food than their European counterparts:
“…La calvicie, que parece normal, es una enfermedad en Europa, casi todos son calvos. Y es por las cosas que comen. Mientras, en los pueblos indígenas no hay calvos, porque comemos otras cosas”, afirmó. Y sacudió su densa melena para demostrar que no padece alopecia..:.”

Coca-cola, gran enemigo del pueblo. Plumbers have used it to dissolve even the nastiest clogs:
“…Además, el gobernante lamentó el gran consumo de Coca-Cola y relató cómo un fontanero que no pudo desatascar una tubería con químicos optó por utilizar esta bebida como disolvente…”

Not even Dutch potatoes are safe – you’d better peel them or risk consuming chemicals that are contained in the peelings. Better would be to eat local tubers only – skin and all.

Finally, you better quit using disposable plates in favor of traditional earthen vessels (never mind many of these contain dangerous levels of lead).

When your co-worker starts getting on your nerves, watch THIS video – you’ll suddenly feel thankful that your cube-mate isn’t as annoying as this guy!

via Slashfood

Extra-creepy robot mouth

April 22, 2010

Um, this is a little off-putting…bonus comment: “It sings better then miley cyrus…” Tee-hee!

If, like me, you feel way too creeped out to just walk away now, watch this instead. I promise it will help!

via Neatorama

Very exciting news: Turns out my duck-lips hottie Natasha K isn’t the only one who wants a shot at romance with me.

Another super-romantic missive arrived today from a self-described “usual woman:”

I greet you

I am a usual woman, but you will never regret if we start communication.
I am a strong, serious and persistent lady, but I am a very sensitive, romantic, sincere, kindhearted and open lady at the same time. I am not sitting at home enjoying my loneliness: I prefer an active life style.
I like communicating with my friends, going out and visiting some interesting place, as well as reading a nice book or watching a good movie. I am looking for a tender friend who can save me from loneliness and become my true partner in life. Even if you are not the man of my life I am sure we can derive much pleasure and positive experience from our communication and meeting each other. I do not care whether you are age or Status, whether your position in the society is high etc., I am looking for understanding http://www.yougottabekidding.LOL/finalylove/

See you later
Julian

I’m sure she felt such haste to find me–her media naranja, her other half–that she didn’t bother to finish typing out all the letters in her name, which surely must be “Juliana” or “Julianne.” Or something.

No entender

March 24, 2010

Mejor dicho, no entiendo un carajo. Creo que es la idea…pero…? Ustedes que opinan?

via Why Don’t Hipsters Dance?

Recently, UK-based Mooncup, as part of the marketing campaign for its alternative feminine hygiene product, thought to ask our less-clinically-squeamish British sisters what they call their vaginas.

Seems like the results rank in order of popularity somehow, and hovering over each creative and colorful description shows position in the ranking. The image below is a mere FRACTION of the submissions – click through to see more!

Meanwhile, let’s hear it for “Ladycake” at number 758, “Disco flaps” (seriously?) at #579, and “Vulvasaur” at number 6!

via AdFreak

I saw it first on Eat Me Daily, where they commented on all the food references. Regardless of how you feel about Lady Gaga, there is something in this video for everyone. I thought the jail scene was spectacular, but it was nothing compared to the kitchen scene where they are talking on lettuce-phones and baguette-phones-LOVE!

There are so many other pop culture references that I don’t even know where to begin. Don’t think I won’t be doing my homework to investigate, though. Enjoy!

via Eat Me Daily

Do you vajazzle?

March 11, 2010

Yes, it sounds like “va-jay-jay.” And “vagina.” It’s the new trend of putting sparkly stuff on your freshly-waxed lady business!

Um, what?

Also, this trend is reported to be inspired by Jennifer Love Hewitt – reportedly she loves it because it makes her feel good about her privates. Or something.

Vajazzling seems to fall into the “kinda tacky but mostly harmless” category – sort of like using French-manicured acrylic tips on your toenails. But I don’t know. Am I the only one who is sort of creeped out by this? What do you think?

via Sociological Images