R.I.P. Dell Vostro

June 4, 2009

I won’t hide it any longer: I settled for you, Vostro. That’s right–I deemed you “good enough” and soldiered ahead with you at my side even as I kept a wily eye cast at sleeker, lighter, more modern models. Indeed, I was shopping for your replacement before you ever arrived at my door.

Yes, Vostro, I knew you and I would never be “long-term” material. You were always unwieldy and inelegant. You could never recognize your own A/C adapter. You weighed too much, and your matte complexion always looked, well, industrial. You were “sufficient,” but just barely, and I dreamed of the day I would trade you in for a newer, faster, more agile machine.

RIP Vostro

But you had the last laugh, Vostro, and don’t think the irony is lost on me. Because even as I sneered at your shortcomings in physical beauty, I still counted on you to keep me connected to the world, to keep me mobile, to resolve disputes over whose turn it was to surf from the couch in front of the TV.

I felt irritated when you got all hung up while I searched for ayurvedic recommendations for optimal kidney function, but I just blamed it on Firefox and the 478 tabs I had open at the time. When I hard-powered off, I even got up to pour myself a drink, snorting in disgust about the inefficiency of it all and about the lengths I go to when it comes to finding information to help my friends.

Upon my return, you were ready with your retort. When I powered up, you gave me the informatics version of a big-ass middle finger:

STOP: c0000218 {Registry File Failure}
The registry cannot load the hive (file):
\SystemRoot\System32\Config\SOFTWARE
or its log or alternate.
It is corrupt, absent, or not writable.

Beginning dump of physical memory
Physical memory dump complete.
Contact your system administrator or technical support group for further assistance.

I blinked in disbelief: what was this? I chalked it up to a hiccup, some strange blip, and powered down again. When I restarted, you were coy and showed me the standard “Your computer had an issue” message and offered to start in Safe Mode. Unexpectedly charmed by your demure helpfulness and sensible suggestion, this I did. And then you repeated your blue-screen STOP message of death. You shot me the double-barrelled Vostro bird.

Vostro

Sure, I can reinstall Windows. Sure, I have most (but not all, alas) of my data safely backed up elsewhere. But the sheer ballsiness of your demise has me in a state. You weren’t pretty. But I depended on you. I enjoyed your SD card reader. We spent a lot of time together, even traveled.  You knew all my secrets.

I took you for granted, Vostro. Please forgive me.

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