When I grow up…

May 19, 2009

So I’m reading this book about figuring out what the heck I want to be when I grow up, and the first exercise is to jot down all of one’s influential family, friends, clergy, teachers, etc. from childhood. Then, I write what each of them wanted for me, or what message each of them sent. Afterwards, I analyze the results and then describe the kind of messed-up Franken-Shawn that would result from trying to fulfill all these conflicting and unattainable messages…Very interesting stuff.

Here is what I found:

Franken-Shawn is someone who is successful at everything because she needs to justify other people’s life choices. She has many life experiences, by choice and under her own control, but she must suffer since life is really unfair and crappy and it’s always 2 steps forward and 3 steps back…She should always do as asked, and never argue with or question authority or “the rules” of how things work. Doing this makes people look stupid, which also makes them angry. Since Franken-Shawn isn’t the center of the universe, any achievements she has should be really good and admirable but should not eclipse her other family members. She should know when to shut up already about why she’s so great at everything. She should not hog the spotlight even though she achieves great things, because it makes other people feel bad, and after all she isn’t any better than they are. She should be cloned so that one of her can stay at all times with those who need her, and never have to abandon those who love her so much that they never want to see her leave. Franken-Shawn should also remain competitive with her peers, but not question bad choices or decisions they may make, as this is none of her business. She should also fulfill expectations that she get knocked up before leaving high school, thereby proving how irresponsible, worthless and disdainful girls are. She should be filled with the spirit of the Lord but never ask any questions or have any meaningful discourse about what this means or how specifically it should be executed. She should scoff at those who do not share her beliefs, and make her teachers look good, as if they are personally responsible for her achievements.

Jeepers.

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